[BNP/E3, 2722Z5 – 1-3]
THE PORTABLE HOUSE
I am a commercial traveller for an English firm which trades in such useful commodities as portable houses and shanties, and in this capacity I was about a year travelling in America. Being forced to stay a short while in the Pleasant village of {…} I endeavoured to do some business. Having accordingly showed up the hill I entered the first shanty I came to. An old feller came to meet me and required what I might be wanting.
“I perceive,” I began, “that the advantages you enjoy in this house, up on this hill, do not last through all seasons of the year; you will find, my friend, that it’s always convenient to be able to move a house about as you would a tent. But a tent isn’t quite comfortable. Then just let me introduce to your notice what is much more useful – a portable house.”
Here the old man, who had been eyeing me suspiciously since the beginnings of my speech, so violently thrust his hand into his hip pocket that I tried to retreat, but, stumbling over something, fell back into a bucket: I clambered nervously out and was going to scat, when the old Johnny button holed me and pushed me back until I fell into a small chair.
“Just you set down dear stranger”, says he, “you don’t appear to know us here, else you wouldn’t have come tryin’ to sell portable houses.”[1]
[2r]
Next morning stranger, up I gets an’ comes out to see ef thet feller waz there an’ – mebbe you won’ believe me, stranger, at first, but I waz clean knocked up when I saw that thar shanty ‘d moved about half way up the hill. I goes down and yanks that funnier out o’ bed.
“Look here, stranger”, I says, “shakin’ him hare. We don’ want coming of this ’bout here, so jest you tell us how this ye shanty kem up this hill in one night.”
That feller seem’d surprised; he kem out an he look’d first up the hill, an’ then he look’d down, then he pump’d his head out ‘t a window on the other side, then he walk’d out of the door, an’ then he says to me: “Waal I’m jest in the same spot as yesterday, I reckon; I ‘lways thought this place was unhealthy: here you’re thinkin’ my house ‘s been walkin’ about.” He sheks his head, stranger, grabs his suspenders an’ spits out ‘bout six ‘r seven times.
Thet day I’d to go out and I came late, ‘bout eleven ‘t night, an jes’ as I was gin’ to get in, sudden I thinks of a god damned dog – jes’ a little hill pup – thet I’d left with Jackson – which was the same of a feller who lived somewhere down the bottom of the hill. Waal, I had that funiner’s house, so I jest thought I’d see not he was up to. I got near to the top of the was {…}
[BNP/E3, 2722Z5 – 2v]
October 23st 03 Algebra. McKenzie.
C. R. Anon
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[BNP/E3, 2722Z5 – 3r]
We buried ‘em both the same day. Waal, as I was sayin, stranger, – what waz I sayin’? Ah, when this feller, Jake I mean, comes up an’ sees thet shanty, he jest open’d his eyes and mouth.
“Jem,” says he to me, “who put thet mad thing up?”
I tol’ him I didn’t know so we jest got[2] down the hill and went an’ look’d at thet place. By ‘n by a feller comes out an’ smiles. “Waal, my frien’s”, says he taeken’ like an advocated feller, som’at like you, stranger, I see you’re ash-tormded I think thet was the word he used, anyway. “I see you’re ash-tormded,” he says “, at seein’ this house up, eh?”
We tol’ him that ef ash-tormded meant dam surprised, we waz 2 good deal more than ash-tormded.
“Oh,” says he, “this is a big house to put up in eight days.”
“But,” I tell him, “thidyer house waz not up yesterday”.
Waal, stranger, thet feller looked surprised, as he said he’d been puttin’ it up for 8 days; nobody but me ‘d passed thar the 4 days before an’ we could’nt say he hadn’t, an’ I waz sure I’d been sick not to see it. W’y, stranger, thet feller couldn’t have put up thet shanty in less than three weeks!”
(Here old Jem threw the cat out of the window and went outside to get it out of the barrel into which it had fallen {…}]
“Waal,” he continued, on returning “, Thish yer feller tol’ us waz come down to re-, to re… to re-crute his health, I think he said. Anyhow we all went of thinkin’ we were golferedity at four not seein’ that short before.
[BNP/E3, 2722Z5 – 3v]
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_________________________________________
“Why’s that?” I ventured to inquire. thereto
“Waal, stranger”, says he settling himself down comfortably, “I may ‘s waal tell you. About ten years ago think ye place wasn’t worth much – only ten’t eleven shanties about, an’ ‘bout a mile between them[3]. D’you see that small field down thar – waal one day when I wakes up and gets out I’m blamed of I don’t see, in thet very field, stranger, a shanty thet wans’t thar the night before. Waal, I subbed my eyes an’ came[4] out agen, but, bless you, thar was the shanty right ‘nuff an’ no mistake. However, I jest went round to find Jake – you don’t know Jake, but he was a feller once lived here, only he was shot a feller from Texas.
[1] [1v]
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[2] got /↑†\
[3] them/’em\
[4] came /(kem)\
