[BNP/E3, 78A – 34]
Documents of Mental Decadence.
Agony
Towards the end.
To‑day I sought to write, and found I had
With expectation my worn mind abused,
Yet deemed I not so choked and so confused
My thoughts already should be. I grow mad.
Bare of ideas, lame in my o’er‑used
Uselessly tirèd reason, feeling bad
Before the light sun, I stand lone and sad,
Friendship and kinship by mankind refused.
I labour but to think. I cannot think.
My thinking raves or sickens into dream
As I of some deep‑witchèd brew did drink.
That did strange horrors in my soul reveal.
A storm approaches. All grows dark. I feel
My reason leave me like a last sunbeam.
Alexander Search
July 2nd. 1908.
