[BNP/E3, 78 – 36-37]

Agony

Regret.

I would that I were again a child

     And a child you sweet and pure,

That we might be free and wild

     In our consciousness obscure;

That we might play fantastic games

     Under trees silent and shady,

That we might have fairy-book names,

     I be a lord, you a lady.

And all were a strong ignorance

     And a healthy want of thought,

And many a prank, many a dance

     Our unresting feet had wrought;

And I would act well a clown's part

     To your childish laughter winning[1],

And I would call you my sweetheart

     And the name would have no meaning.

Or sitting close we each other would move

     With tales that now gone are sad;

We would have no sex, would feel no love,

     Good without fighting the bad.

[37^r]

Regret – 2.

And a flower would be our life's delight

     And a nutshell boat our treasure:

We would lock it in a cupboard at night

     As in memory a pleasure.

We would spend hours and days like a wealth

     Of goodness too great to cloy,

We would deep enjoy innocence and health

     Knowing not we did enjoy...

Ah, what bitterest is is that alone

     Now one feeling in me I trace -

That knowledge of what from us hath gone

     And of what it left in its place.

Alexander Search.

May 29^th, 1907.

[1] To ^/Towards\ your childish laughter winning ^/leaning\