[BNP/E3, 13A – 73]
My state of mind was then horrible; doubts and fears and agonies the rabble cannot dream of were mine, and mine were unutterable pains.
Of my character no study could be made; my actions were none; of my thoughts no earthly being could dream.
The terrible, immeasurable pain of laying down Thought and Feeling on the Procrustean bed of language.
And my mind wandered among the labyrinthic fathers of existence and its meaningless management to mortal eyes — from the very smallest queerness and trite appearances on which the delighted thoughts of the cattle dwell, with sudden astonishment at their originality, to the very highest thunderous glooms of self, when never the eye can trace being, and when the wonder of the great HOW? is merged only in the horror, the greater WHY?
[73v]
Concerning man and man’s I had many a theory — even now do I hold them — when in my moments of what ignorance calls sanity — when I descend, in truth, to theory from half-immersion in the great FACT.
Charles Robert Anon.
Barton
